I feel so down lately. Ever since I put my right foot into the University, I feel so...different. It's not home. It's definitely not my friends' either. I can't help but to feel inferior in these cases. I can't help but to feel like I don't belong here. It made me felt terrible for the rest of the week and I can only cheer myself up by indulging myself in books I love.
I really feel like I can't take the pressure in doing this. I can't study in an environment like this. Its so different. So I did what normally a mentally not stable state person will do, I broke down.
In front of my lecturer. Of all people.
IKR.
I felt so bad during the interview that I can't even think straight. I was so looking forward to joining a group. I was sooo much looking forward to be in that group. I want to do my best. I want to score. I want excellent grades! I know I have the potential to do it even though it's not my strong point. But I am determined to work hard to achieve it no matter what!
Seems like not much people are convinced. I was so close to tears. And it just sorta burst out after everyone left. As usual, am the one who gets left out. I felt so terrible and I was so worried. When he came to me and told me he's concerned about me.
I did the pathetic thing a normal girl would do. I broke down and cried.
I tried to stop the tears from falling but I couldn't.
I just couldn't.
I don't want to sound like a drama queen or anything but it's just so hard for me to handle, especially with all o f those expectations people expected of me. I thought about the scholarship, my family, my grades, my degree classification, my standards, my confidence, my results and I got so caught up in thinking about how I am going to terribly messed things up that everything just sorta killed me.
I felt like I have let someone down. I felt like maybe I don't deserve this.
Please tell me it will be okay.
I really want to win this.
Badly. :(
No comments:
Post a Comment